“God, I See What You’re Doing for Others…” by Brandi Wardlow

“God, I See What You’re Doing for Others…” by Brandi Wardlow

Transparency moment? I’ve watched or know of at least five people that got engaged within this past year. Shoot, I even watched three or four people resign from their jobs and start a new career path. What does this have to do with me? Well, I want a new job, and I also want marriage. The problem is neither of these things has fallen on my lap… yet. Of course, I am genuinely excited about other peoples’ happiness. But, when you want something for yourself – there’s this tinge of covetousness that overtakes you. Social media, of course, does not make any of this better. As a matter of fact, it makes it all worse. Social media even started this new prayer – “God, I see what you’re doing for others.” The day I prayed it, I found myself dissatisfied and disappointed that I would ever sound and feel so bitter. Often, we come to the basic common sense that social media isn’t all glitter and gold. So, yes - we see this perceived blessing but we also sometimes miss everything that it took for them to get their glitter and gold (if they actually have such things). Thus, making me transform my prayer. What if, instead of saying to God, “I see what you’re doing for others,” we’d ask, “God, what are you doing in others?” Are we really ready for that answer?

“God, what are you doing in others?”

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” – Psalms 139:23-24 NLT.

I was a week into my anger with God. I interviewed for the perfect position. Claimed it. Knew it was mine. Till this day, I still haven’t heard from them. It was a Thursday evening. I spent most of that week waking up with faith, and by the time it was close of business, my faith was partying with my frustration. On this particular night, I was crying my self-pity on to the gentle ears of my significant other. Specifically, the woe is me song. “You haven’t proposed. The job didn’t call me. Who do I have to be? What do I have to do? Why isn’t God listening to me? Where is He? He’s doing everything for everyone else!” There it was, plain as day — my answer to my problems. I remember stopping mid-sentence and looking over at my boyfriend. “What if God hasn’t blessed me yet because He sees how I respond to others?”

Someone gets engaged. Yes – I like the picture and even comment congratulations. Yes – I am happy for them. I’m just upset about my own self more. I want what I want, and quite frankly, I want it now. But, there was God – searching my heart, testing me, knowing my anxious thoughts and finally, pointing out my offenses.

No matter how I spun the story, the truth was that I was jealous. I was coveting. I was ungrateful. I made engagement, my idol. I made a new job, my idol. I made my picture of glitter and gold, my idol. I was more focused on the want rather than the work. Am I ready to be a wife? Am I wife material? Am I prepared to receive a position and title change? Am I ready? How am I nurturing my current relationship if I am anxious and greedy about the next level? How can I receive a new job if I spend my current job looking for other jobs? Will I do the work? What are you doing with your present blessings that makes you prepared and qualified for the blessings you’re asking for?

It was at this moment that I saw my heart. Blessings were just something I chased when I got bored with my current ones. God wasn’t doing for others – God was doing in others. Right now, God is doing in me.

Who’s Getting the Praise?

“It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community.” – Galatians 5:19-21 MSG

Frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness. Magic-show religion. All-consuming-yet-never-satisfied-wants. A brutal temper. Impotence to love or be loved. There you have it folks – the outcomes of having false idols. Early in my Christianity, false idols reminded me of golden calves from Exodus. The truth is, idols are any and everything that you allow to come before God. I got so caught up on this idea of engagement and having a new job that even my prayers were prayed specifically for them and them alone.

I prayed that tonight would be the night my man proposed. I prayed today would be the day the job called. I said to God, “Just give me a sign, Lord.” There was that magic-show religion. The idea that I make a wish and God, the genie would grant it. Here were the all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied-wants and frenzied, and joyless grabs for happiness. Again, the idea that a proposal or new job would happen and that I suddenly would be happy. And of course, there was that brutal temper. Whenever I didn’t get my way, a lashing out at God because it didn’t happen… yet.

The problem isn’t that I am wrong for wanting marriage. I am allowed to want that, and actually, it’s a promise and institution of God. Shoot, I am even allowed to want a new job. However, am I going to serve HIM? Is my marriage going to fulfill HIS will? Whatever work I do, will it bring HIM glory?

“Whatever you do [whatever your task may be], work from the soul [that is, put in your very best effort], as [something done] for the Lord and not for men, knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [greatest] reward. It is the Lord Christ whom you [actually] serve.” – Colossians 3:23-24

The reality is that if it were about God, I would be satisfied where I am. Of course, marriage changes the game – the last name, the approval, the joining of one flesh. All privileges I can wait (and will have to clearly wait) for. However, what are my personal motives for marriage? How am I serving God, and why do I need an increase or a level up for God to get His glory? In truth, whether we are the CEO or the janitor; in the talking phase or married with kids – we should place our best Godly effort, all of our Godly time and, all of our Godly soul into being representatives of God.

I would get so frustrated with myself behind closed doors because my man has all reason not to marry me. I can make him feel emasculated when I overstep my boundaries and create my plans for engagement. My anger is not a 1 Corinthians 13 love and boasting on social media when it happens – isn’t a reflection of that either. I don’t need marriage to serve God – I can do that right now. I can learn more about marriage; prepare myself to become a bride (spiritually in the word and not online shopping for dresses); I can grow into the person I need to be to receive the blessings I hope to share.

However, I rob God of His glory when it becomes more about me than Him. 

He may not come when you want Him, but He'll be there right on time.

"I've also concluded that whatever God does, that's the way it's going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God's done it and that's it." – Ecclesiastes 3:14 MSG

I don't just rob God. I play God (or try to play God) too. Not like play like a fool or get over on but like, control. One of my earlier questions was, "Who do I have to be?" I didn't ask this question with humility and concern that there is something in me that I need to fix or improve. I asked the question with arrogance and thinking that I needed to shift myself into being to receive. As a matter of fact, yeah, I guess I try and play (get over on) God too. Sigh.

However, Solomon's old age wisdom describes it best. In the end, it doesn't really make a difference what anyone does (Ecclesiastes 3:9 MSG). It doesn't matter if I am righteous or wicked; if I am a human or an animal – God will do and move exactly as He sees fit WHEN He sees fit. That's simply because Ecclesiastes 3:1 AMP states – "There is a season (a time appointed) for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven." Thus, indicating that in due season, the time appointed for you will reveal itself. That time just happens to be God's time.

And that's why I kept saying yet. He hasn't proposed to me… yet. I haven't gotten a new job… yet. Because ultimately, there's a time specifically coming for me. A time specially appointed for the season I wish to enter (of course, that's if God wills it so). But, I'm sure He did will it so because He placed the desire in my heart. And according to Solomon in Ecclesiastes 3:11 – God planted a sense of divine purpose in our heart that only He can satisfy. We can't grasp His plan from beginning to end. Not surprising – given that last month, we discussed God telling Job that we [humans] can't always understand God. His ways are simply not our ways.

We have to find our balance in knowing and waiting for what's ours and preparing and developing to receive what's ours. I say this because I do believe that God has revealed that Anthony is the one for me. There are things in my life that God has used to bring this vision to my doorstep, and one of those things is through time. Like, I didn't imagine us being here – 5 years later preparing for marriage. That boy I met years ago is not the man I am in love with today. But, that's because of time and God's timing alone.

Don't be too eager to receive that you will accept it prematurely. I look back on all of those times that I would have taken a blessing prematurely. Like, when I first wanted to move out and live with him. It wasn't until I moved in with Him that I realized that when it did happen – it happened right on time. Anytime sooner than when it did, would have been premature. Premature because we weren't developed, mature and, ready enough to sustain. Kind of like now. Assessing my own motives and reflecting on them right now lets me know that I am not ready for marriage (I want it – but I am not prepared). I am not ready because my heart and my motives are not entirely genuine. They're rooted in what God is doing for others, right now. Not realizing that He was doing a real work in others before He did for others. Just like, He's doing a work in me so that I can do a real work for Him. Ah Ha! Changing from what HE can do for me to what I can do for Him. See what I did there? And quite frankly, I can’t do anything for Him until my heart aligns with His ways.

"This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time." – Habakkuk 2:3 MSG

I leave you with this final scripture. A reminder that the testing of your faith leads to perseverance – it leads to a mature and complete faith. A trust that has the confidence in knowing that what's for you will be for you and it will happen right on time. It's not what God can do for you but what He can and will do in you – to serve His kingdom.

Don’t block your own blessings with impatience ya’ll!

Stay tuned, cause I’m going to get my ring. Claiming it. Haha. J

Facebook: Brandi Janay

Instagram: B.Wardlow

`