“IT’S OKAY, NOT TO BE OKAY” By: Yasmin Philor


“IT’S OKAY, NOT TO BE OKAY” 

ISAIAH 41:10 So Do Not Fear, For I Am with You; 

Do Not Be Dismayed, For I Am Your God. 

I Will Strengthen You and Help You,  

I Will Uphold You with My Righteous Right Hand. 

One Sunday evening in 2015, my husband and I were driving home from church when we decided to stop for frozen yogurt. After leaving “Cups”, my husband made a wrong turn resulting in us being pulled over by the police. Instantly I thought about Eric Garner and Mike Brown, who recently had encounters with police officers and were murdered. I looked over at my husband and I became fearful. My chest started tightening. I began to pray and reminded my husband not to make sudden movements. I sat in the passenger seat patting my foot until my alarm went off to take my medicine. I reached for my purse and saw a light shining behind me. I turned around and saw a police officer shining his light in our car on the passenger side. In the parking lot, on the side of us and were four additional cop cars. I immediately started crying, I felt anxious, and my stomach was in knots. I could not believe that a wrong turn resulted in five cop cars and six police officers surrounding our car. Eventually, the initial cop returned my husband’s license and registration and allowed us to go. To this day I have the same feelings and emotions when a cop starts driving behind us and/or when I see a person of color being pulled over. Unfortunately, there are many more minorities feeling this way due to these pandemics. 

July is Mental Health Minority Awareness Month. According to Oxford, mental health is “a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being.” As a minority I would say that it is difficult maintaining our optimal health or maintaining wellness at a time like this. Coronavirus is affecting African Americans more than any other race due to crowded living conditions, stress, inconsistent health care, and underlying health conditions. We watch and hear about our women continually be abused, murdered, and mistreated. According to research, African American women are at higher risk than Caucasian women for experiencing all forms of abuse due to the intersection of gender, race, and socioeconomic status. Making black women at the bottom of the totem pole for all injustices and abuse. Black women are murdered just as much as black men, but receive less media coverage and judgment. Additionally, we still see videos and hear recordings of our men being slandered and murdered consistently while our children are forced to grow up without fathers. We are triggered time and time again hearing about the injustices in the lives of minorities, triggered by past traumas, while possibly experiencing other risk factors for mental illness such as job loss, isolation, and homelessness to name a few. 

How can you possibly be okay and not be dismayed at a time like this?? We are living in fear whether we will be next hashtag due to police brutality or effected by Coronavirus even if you are asymptomatic. 

To be dismayed at this time can mean so many things. Maybe you are feeling depressed, angry, triggered, anxious, ___________ during these pandemics. Even when we do not see or feel it, God is still present with and for us during these trying times. The word says that he will give us strength. Strength is not something that will be dropped in our laps. In my opinion, it is something we work towards. Though I believe in God, the power of prayer, and God’s ability to work miracles, I am also aware of most minorities hesitation to truly discuss and combat their fears, anxieties, and be vulnerable.  In the African American Community, it is almost impossible to explain that you are not "weak" for needing help through issues. Therapy is so taboo as we have been taught to keep our issues in our homes and to suppress our feelings and emotions. There may be other hindrances like mistrust in therapists, bad experience in therapy (therapy is like dating -find the right fit), affordability, stigma, and judgment. As a therapist, I WILL NOT shove therapy down your throat as I believe therapy truly works when you are ready to work through some things. And contrary to popular belief the information learned in therapy requires work outside of the room. I ask that as a minority we start by simply identifying when we are not okay and embracing the fact that “it’s okay, not to be okay.” Dispel that myth that you must be strong. Black woman you do not have to be strong persevering through your pain and abuse with fear and shame. Black man you do not have to “man up” and not cry when you have so much to cry about. It is difficult to keep your emotions in especially at a time like this. Allow yourself to be HUMAN! 

What are ways that you could work through feeling dismayed during these pandemics? How can I work towards maintaining mental stability? Of course, I am still going to plug therapy. Additionally, you can Pray AND: 

  • Breathwork/Mindfulness Meditation-I personally love this and utilize the various videos on YouTube to help when feeling overwhelmed or anxious. I use box-breathing when being pulled over by police. 
  • Social Support: The power of community is powerful. Be around people (via zoom) who you love and care about. 
  • Spirituality & Faith: Faith groups that cater to your emotional and spiritual needs are extremely healing. 
  • Write it out. Journal your feelings. Get your feelings and emotions out. Holding on to your feelings can be debilitating and stifling. 
  • Sanitize and cleanse your hand and your heart from germs and anything that no longer serve you. 
  • Unplug from social media and do something fulfilling. Yes, you want to be informed about what is going on, but it is also important to protect your peace at all cost. 
  • Exercise & Eat Well: Food & Mood go hand and hand and can further affect your body when feeling the physical effects of what is going on. And exercise can help release endorphins that increase mood. 
  • Lastly, making the conscious decision to unlearn all the way’s racism has affected our community. And make learn how to be more inclusive. For example, there is no Team Light-Skinned or Team Dark-Skinned. We are Team Human. 

Regardless of how you deal with being dismayed, be patient with yourself and practice self-compassion during this time and always. Remember that it is “okay, not to be okay.” You have never experienced a pandemic before and racism is a public safety issue, not a “you” issue. We will be forever changed by this, but healing is possible. As God strengthens us, let us stand together and strengthen each other. 

 

 

 

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