Hope through Heartbreak by Rev. Teja Smith

 

Hope through Heartbreak

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

Triumph Baptist Church

1648 W. Hunting Park Ave.

Philadelphia, PA 19140

June 28, 2021

Rev. Teja Smith

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. ¹⁴ For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with Him the believers who have died. ¹⁵ We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet Him ahead of those who have died. ¹⁶ For the Lord Himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. ¹⁷ Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. ¹⁸ So encourage each other with these words.” (NLT)

Grief and loss are a natural part of life. The saved grieve. The unsaved grieve. The rich grieve. The poor grieve. Black people grieve. White people grieve. It would seem that pain and sorrow have proven themselves to be the common denominator for us all, in this thing called life. Because of this, it is in our best interest to learn how to grieve so that when it is time to grieve (Ecclesiastes 3:4), we will recognize it for what it is, and then walk through the natural process of it. Now, this isn’t a counseling session on grief, and I’m not a therapist. I’m a preacher. But, I do believe that because of Christ in you – the hope of glory, we can, and must, learn to grieve with hope.

 

In our text, that is precisely what Paul was teaching; how to grieve with hope. Paul was focused linearly, however, on grieving those who have died ahead of us. While, talking about death is important too, I want to suggest that there is a plethora of things that cause one to experience grief and I would like to broaden our view to make sure we don’t erroneously confine grief only to natural death. The truth of the matter is we grieve for so many reasons. While death of a loved one may be one of those reasons, it is not the only thing that can trigger deep-seated grief. This knowledge alone is important because you may feel like, “What’s wrong with me?” and the answer could quite possibly be, “You are grieving.” It is difficult to find a cure when you don’t have a proper diagnosis. So, while the death of a loved one is the obvious one, let’s explore other culprits of grief and heartbreak.

 

• Dementia – This is one that can easily escape your notice, unless you have had a personal experience with caring for someone with dementia. While the person may still physically be alive, the pain of them no longer remembering who you are or the relationship you had, is heart-breaking, and can cause you to grieve the loss of the relationship, even while they are still here.

 

• Divorce – You may be separated, and dare I say, you are glad to be. However, there is a finality that comes with divorce papers that is indescribable. It is the reality and finality of that loss that will break your heart all over again, cause you to grieve.

 

• Detachment – Detachment is similar to dementia except it isn’t an illness that is out of one’s control. Detachment often leads to divorce but you can be detached privately, and you can be detached while still in your own home. Detachment happens inwardly, and while things may still have a wonderful appearance outwardly, your detachment has caused you heartbreak and grief. Let me give you an example or two to help you. You can be married, or in business partnership (or some other kind of covenant) with someone that you thought you knew. But, when you see them for who they really are, there is a disorientation and an internal detachment that triggers a grief that stems from the loss of what you thought you had. It can lead, as loss so often does, to the question, “What do I do now?”

 

Jacob is perfect example. He loved and worked for Rachel for seven years, but the woman he married and slept with all night, was not who he thought. He had been deceived.

Genesis 29:18-25, “Since Jacob was in love with Rachel, he told her father, “I’ll work for you for seven years if you’ll give me Rachel, your younger daughter, as my wife.” ¹⁹ “Agreed!” Laban replied. “I’d rather give her to you than to anyone else. Stay and work with me.” ²⁰ So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days. ²¹ Finally, the time came for him to marry her. “I have fulfilled my agreement,” Jacob said to Laban. “Now give me my wife so I can sleep with her.” ²² So Laban invited everyone in the neighborhood and prepared a wedding feast. ²³ But that night, when it was dark, Laban took Leah to Jacob, and he slept with her. ²⁴ (Laban had given Leah a servant, Zilpah, to be her maid.) ²⁵ But when Jacob woke up in the morning—it was Leah! “What have you done to me?” Jacob raged at Laban. “I worked seven years for Rachel! Why have you tricked me?” (NLT)

 

Joshua, the Israelites and their covenant with the Gibeonites is another perfect example. The Israelites, because of who they were and what they offered, were literally deceived into covenant. What do you do when you vow to God to honor a covenant, and then learn that they aren’t who you thought they were? I want to suggest that after the anger and humiliation subside, there is a grief that you have from the decision you’ve made.

Joshua 9:3-6, 16-20, “But when the people of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done to Jericho and Ai, ⁴ they resorted to deception to save themselves. They sent ambassadors to Joshua, loading their donkeys with weathered saddlebags and old, patched wineskins. ⁵ They put on worn-out, patched sandals and ragged clothes. And the bread they took with them was dry and moldy. ⁶ When they arrived at the camp of Israel at Gilgal, they told Joshua and the men of Israel, “We have come from a distant land to ask you to make a peace treaty with us.” … ¹⁶ Three days after making the treaty, they learned that these people actually lived nearby! ¹⁷ The Israelites set out at once to investigate and reached their towns in three days. The names of these towns were Gibeon, Kephirah, Beeroth, and Kiriath-jearim. ¹⁸ But the Israelites did not attack the towns, for the Israelite leaders had made a vow to them in the name of the Lord, the God of Israel. The people of Israel grumbled against their leaders because of the treaty. ¹⁹ But the leaders replied, “Since we have sworn an oath in the presence of the Lord, the God of Israel, we cannot touch them. ²⁰ This is what we must do. We must let them live, for divine anger would come upon us if we broke our oath.” (NLT)

 

• Diminished capacity – Sometimes we experience diminished capacity due to an accident, or illness, but often times, it is just the natural consequence of aging. If we live long enough, there will come a time when we will no longer be able to do what we used to do. And, this can cause us to grieve. My sister is a bone cancer survivor. God is good, faithful and kind. He not only preserved her life, but also her ability to walk and drive. She is grateful. We all are. However, she used to be a runner, and she can no longer run. Although she is grateful to God for her life and her mobility, she still grieves her diminished capacity, and she’s allowed to grieve it. You are allowed to grieve too. Sometimes, the devil fights us doubly with this one … he tries to couple grief with guilt. It’s almost as if allowing ourselves to grieve what we’ve lost means that we aren’t grateful for what we have. But, I want to free you today. You can grieve and be grateful, just as you can be saved and sad, and loved and lonely. One does not negate the other, and don’t allow the devil to mess with your mind. It is okay to grieve what you’ve lost.

 

• Departure (from a job) – Even if you don’t leave on “bad terms” necessarily, when you have given real time, sometimes decades, of your life to a place or institution, you are allowed to grieve the loss of it from your life. You may not feel any grief, and that’s fine. Not everyone grieves over everything, but if you do, you are allowed.

 

 

I spent so much time giving you examples of what can bring on grief so that when you find yourself going through the stages of grief, you aren’t blind-sided by it. The next thing I want to talk about is the fact that Christians cry too. I am confounded periodically at how Christians are held to some unreachable standard, as if we aren’t just as human as everyone else. The most puzzling part, is that it is usually other Christians that hold us to these standards of perfection that no one but Christ alone can reach. Part of my assignment today is to remove the stigma that to love and faithfully serve the Lord means that you always must be happy and upbeat; that somehow being sad or withdrawn means that you don’t love the Lord or that you aren’t spiritually mature. Life is hard. Sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it hurts really bad. Things happen that make us question God (which also is okay, by the way). Even in our text, Paul teaches the believers in Thessalonica what happens when we die, not so that they don’t grieve at all, but so that they don’t grieve without hope. Paul recognizes that we all grieve. I give you permission today to grieve. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to question God. You are allowed to let the hot quiet tears stream down your face, and you are allowed to sob loudly. You are human. You are only dust. Today I give you permission to feel your feelings. If the psalmist did, you and I can too.

• Psalm 6:6-7a, “I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. ⁷ My vision is blurred by grief;” (NLT)
• Psalm 13:1-2a, “O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? ² How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day?” (NLT)

 

 

Now that we’ve learned that there are so many things that cause us grief and that it is okay to grieve, let us get to the crux of the matter. How do I grieve with hope? How do I maintain hope through heartbreak? This is what we really need to know. While grief is a natural part of life, we must learn to grieve with hope, because it is possible to maintain hope through heartbreak.

 

• Feel your feelings. I’m not telling you to act on your feelings. I’m not telling you to share all your feelings with everyone. I’m simply telling you to feel them. Allow yourself time to feel how you feel. Denial won’t help you heal. Sooner or later, you are going to have to acknowledge that you feel how you feel. God can handle your feelings. God is greater than your feelings. You don’t have to worry about opening “Pandora’s box” and that God won’t be able to close it back or control it. Trust me, God can handle your feelings. 1 John 3:20, “Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and He knows everything.” (NLT)

 

• Give yourself grace. I want to debunk the myth right now that Christians have to always be strong. That’s a ridiculous notion. Allow yourself to be the flawed, finite, fragile, frail, feeble human that you are. After you get finished feeling all of your feelings, then forgive yourself for whatever needs to be forgiven and allow God’s abundant grace to cover you. Isn’t that why we approach God’s gracious throne … to obtain mercy and to find grace to help us in our time of need? There’s always enough grace. God made sure of it. I’m not minimizing your pain, trauma or sorrow. I’m simply saying that there is enough grace to cover it, and to cover you. So, give yourself grace freely and lavishly.  Romans 5:20, “Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more,” (NKJV)

 

• Remember that although you didn’t see it coming, God did. God has a plan for you. Your life is not some random set of haphazard events. This is important to remember when you hit rock bottom, and you begin to wonder why you are even here and if your life has any meaning. Let me answer that now, and clearly. Yes, it does!  Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)

 

• Keep a proper perspective. This may be the hardest to do, but it is the most important. Grief can be consuming. We can become so filled with sorrow and sadness that we begin to despair. It becomes difficult to see an end to the pain, or believe that you can ever be happy or joyful again. This is when it is critical to remember that an end is not the end. Your heart is broken, but I promise that it won’t always hurt this badly. Your weeping may endure all night, and it might be a very long night, but it’s not an eternal night. Joy will come in the morning. You will love again. You will laugh again. The sun will shine again. How do you maintain your hope through heartbreak? When the night is the darkest and feels the most hopeless, repeat after me, “Morning is coming.” Say it again, and again. Say it out loud. Say it until the dawn breaks. Psalm 30:5b, “Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” (NLT)

We keep hope through heartbreak because we believe the promise that morning is coming.