Answer when He Calls by Brandi J. Ray

 

A few years ago, my brother-in-law and I talked when we got on the discussion of church. At some point, our conversation shifted to worship and shouting and how neither of us understood how people can become so publicly filled with the Spirit. We laughed it off and haven’t really talked about church since.

This Sunday, I made my debut to the church as one who feels that the call of God is on her life. Weeks ago, I sat with our Assistant Pastor and shared with her that I was ready to answer “the call.” Yesterday, she decided to put me to work.

As a child, I often frequented the pulpit. I read the Sunday scriptures on youth Sundays. I did the tithes and offerings. However, as an adult sitting on the pulpit, I was overwhelmed with a flood of emotions.

“How will my church home receive me?”

For many, they still see that little girl that Pastor preached with on his arms one Sunday. They see that little girl that had a fire for Jesus. Yesterday, so many confirmed that they always knew I’d be here. But still, despite how confident my “oration” skills tend to appear, that little girl was hiding deep down inside that “called” woman. Somewhere inside, I was still wrestling with God, “Are You sure?”

I first received the call in 2016, shortly after that conversation with my brother. I had met with a family friend and Reverend and asked, “How can I be a minister when I am of this world?” She answered back to me and said, “We are all of this world because we were born in it.” From that day forth, my perspective changed.

You see, I had wrestled with the call because of its weight. I didn’t look like a preacher; I still smoked (black and milds) faithfully; I have eight tattoos and child if you would have known Brandi growing up… Well, good God, Almighty.

“How could I, me, Brandi ever receive such a call from God?”

Yesterday, as I continually prayed to myself in the pulpit, the choir sang an old-school song that I haven’t heard in years.

 

“I really love the Lord. You don’t know what He’s done for me. He gave me the victory. I love Him! I really love the Lord.”

 

While I tried to keep my composure, that little girl, that called woman, was being filled in the same ways that my brother-in-law and I once made jokes about.

The truth was beginning to set in:

So many of us feel that the call will be a grand gesture by God. We believe that the call will be wrapped up in a pretty bow and a huge neon sign that says, “Answer me, My child.” But that’s FARRR from the truth. The only person who ever received the call in such a way was Christ. For people like us, God doesn’t necessarily call. He convicts.

God calls you in your dark places when you feel the least deserving and unqualified. He calls you when your posture (the state of your heart and spirit, your worship) requires correction. It is in these moments that God reminds you that His mercy is sufficient in your weakness – that no matter how messy your life is, He has purposed you to still glorify Him.

Although that on-fire-for-God little girl transformed into a lost teenager and young adult, by God and only God, she is growing into what God has fashioned her to become. Yes, I was once (and still am) of this world, but I (as all of us should) am working not to be conformed to this world.

So, no, I no longer need to wrestle with how the church will receive me because you (nor they) know exactly what He’s done for me. Just as I have no clue what he’s done for you. As Marvin Sapp sings, “He saw the best in me, when everyone else around me could only see the worst.”

However, before there was Marvin or me, there was Paul, or rather, Saul.

Most of us know Paul for authoring the many Pauline letters or epistles like Romans, Galatians, Ephesians, and more. However, this theologian and Apostle did not begin as an evangelist. Instead, Paul (Saul) was a persecutor of Christian believers.

Acts 8:3 reads:

 

“But Saul began ravaging the church [and assaulting believers]; entering house after house and dragging off men and women, putting them in prison.”

 

So, how did this once persecutor of believers come to be one of the greatest theologians of all time? Simple. He came across Christ for himself.

Acts 9:3-6 states:

 

As he traveled he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him [displaying the glory and majesty of Christ]; 4 and he fell to the ground and heard a voice [from heaven] saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting and oppressing Me?” 5 And Saul said, “Who are You, Lord?” And He answered, “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting,

 

Although there are many accounts where Paul teaches of his conversion, the facts remain the same – he saw and experienced Christ.

Christ deemed Paul valuable even when Paul himself understood and knew that he was unworthy. It was God that made the once Christian persecutor qualified. Not Paul himself, nor man around him. It was this sinner that would be able to humble himself and go before other sinners and teach of their redemption.

It's the same reason Christ didn't call the Pharisees but the disciples. Christ wanted men that could witness on His behalf. Not because Scripture made them feel obligated or compelled but because spiritual transformation, which comes from the Spirit, will humble you to the extent that you, yourself, will want to do nothing other than praise and glorify God for all that He's done for you. 

For many, the call is an accolade, but for those that Christ deliberately calls, it is an appointment. It is our duty to go beyond mere evangelism and worship and embody all that Christ commanded us to do: to go out and make disciples of all nations.

And for people, like Paul or myself, when you are too busy chasing your own agenda, you forget or are ignorant to God's commission. It is not until we have recognized that we have sunken so deep in sin, far from the peaceful shore, where the Spirit convicts you and reminds you, that you are to walk in the fear of the Lord. Not fear, as in afraid or scary but fear as in reverence. Fix your posture! 

You ought to live a life where you remember that if God is so omnipotent and omnipresent, that everything you say and do better reflect that it is He who causes the sun to rise and set, that it is He who formed your innermost parts, and that is He that will call and convict you even in your sin and mess. 

Who cares that you "used to?" Like Paul teaches in Romans 8, you are dead to sin and the flesh because of Christ. If you made the choice to accept where God is leading you, it doesn't matter what your yesterday consists of. What matters is the one who holds tomorrow and how you will edify Him today. 

It is for this reason that Paul teaches in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that:

 

“My grace is sufficient for you [My lovingkindness and My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation]; for [My] power is being perfected [and is completed and shows itself most effectively] in [your] weakness.” Therefore, I will all the more gladly boast in my weaknesses so that the power of Christ [may completely enfold me and] may dwell in me.

           

For many of us, there is a thorn that is hindering our ministry. For Paul, many theologians gather that he was either experiencing a debilitating, chronic disease or a series of storms and seasons that hindered him from fully reaching God’s people. I mean, He was imprisoned for most of his epistles. Nonetheless, many feel that something (whether of our own accord or beyond our control) interferes with our acceptance of the call. 

We tell ourselves, “when I get this job, I’ll praise him,” “when I can defeat imposter syndrome, I’ll go,” “if only I could quit my addictions, I’ll be acceptable by God.” However, God doesn’t work like that. God doesn’t have a specific appearance for who he intends to call. There is no other credibility or qualification for those called other than God, Himself, calling on you. 

For the purpose of God’s grace at work, He will call you when you are in your lowest form so that He can prove Himself in unimaginable ways. God will transform your weakness into power; he, Himself, will empower you. Christ doesn’t want someone who feels that they are already whole; He wants you – in your brokenness, insecurities, and fallacies that you may realize that it is not yourself which is responsible for your healing but that it is Him, He that is greater than you, that can work all things out for His good. 

If it were solely you that could transform a once lost and broken person to purposes and reasons of exaltation, where would our need and desire for God come in? It is for His glory that we suffer so, that we do not boast in ourselves but illuminate the power of Christ at work.

In Matthew 22:14, we are taught that many are called, but few are chosen. This call does not refer to a selection of a relatively few. Instead, we are all called. The chosen are the elect that has accepted the invitation to fulfill God’s will. This is why Paul teaches in Romans, 1 Corinthians, and Ephesians that each of us is equipped with a spiritual gift that will grow the body of Christ. Your call may differ from mine, but it doesn’t make it less than. 

For many years, my “thorn” in the flesh was my fear of how people would receive me. “How will people come to accept what God has placed in my heart?” However, now as I sit in this moment, the fear was never other people but myself. My thorn was the lack of forgiveness and grace that I gave to myself. Yes, there is someone that I used to be, but I know that there is someone that God is calling me to be – much greater than what and who I have been. I would tell you that’s between God and me, but it would be a disservice to let God’s transforming work stay between us. No, you do not know what He’s done for me, but I can promise that I have experienced Him in a way that He hopes for you to experience also. A way in which you'll be all the glad to share the power of Christ with those around you.

So, I leave you with this, you owe it to God and yourself to let who you “used” to be, become someone that can inspire those around you to be better in the name of Christ. Don’t let what people can say about you lead you to ignore what God is saying to and about you. Don’t you know that who man counts out, God will undoubtedly count on and in? If you take nothing else from this, can you promise to just answer when He calls?

 

Be kind to yourself, 

Mrs. Brandi J. Ray